mood: painful

its bene awhile hasnt it?  i know my lifes kinda boring so i wont take up too much time.  I work for my Mom and have for awhile.  I plan to remedy the situation(well maybe someday)  Theres a guy i like actully two( i know it sounds like some teeange issue nobody gives a damn about)  one lives far away sees me as a friend and would prolly encourage me to go out on a date the others reall sweet and quiet and close by.  But even when im wiht him sometimes i feel well....... guilty like ive done something im not supposed to........well have I? sometimes i wonder if im doing the right thing cause i really really like the fellow far away but  to him im jsut a friend.  *sigh* i dont know what to do anymore.  the cramps make me veyr short tempered(im generally short tempered anyways but shorter then usual) well i guess i should go for it but somethin tells me not to  maybe its jsut me holding myself back but still...my friends a bit psychic and maybe thats why i feel so guilty if HE(the local guy) kissed me it wouldnt be as bad  but sitll i have this gut feeling i should hold out or something cause the other fellows the one i want ot be with
he doesnt trust me tho and that might be the downfall  evne as a best friend its  a bad idea not to trust your friends